The New Year!
I start school this week, and I am greatly excited. As I look forward to this year, I think to myself what do I have to look forward to? First and foremost on my mind is school. By this time next year, I hope to have at least 27 more credits going towards my AA. This Winter I expect to pull myself out of academic probation, and at that point, some credits from my previous college in the early 90’s should also come through. I like having three quarters a year instead of two semesters. You can just get more credits sooner and reduce the time it takes to get your degree. My dream and goal is to have my AA by the time I’m 40! I would love to start my fourth decade in life with a college degree.
This winter I won’t be taking any classes that are focused on developing my poetry skills, but definitely my writing skills. So cool! The value of the decision in making changes in my life is immense. Our life circumstances are difficult, but they need to change, and I realize that living day to day, day in and day out, doing things the same, day in day out, week in, week out, month in, month out, year in, year out doesn’t bring about change. I have to admit that taking these steps to change my life is a result of, yes God’s grace, but that utilized through five years of therapy. My therapist is a cognitive therapy specialist. She very much thinks like Dr. Phil, but without trying to sell her latest book on a constant basis. In fact, she is completely generous and compassionate. Most of our therapy is just talk therapy. We chat like we are friends. But she is so highly intellectual, and I think that some people would have a hard time following along with our discussions, that I am completely inspired to take my life higher. I have come to the further conclusion that I would be dangerous with an education. By that I am meaning dangerous in the sense of being better to express myself, be more knowledgeable and effective, and have better tools and being better equipped to interact with my peers and contemporaries.
I also find that I have great difficulty expressing myself in a manner that I would like. I would like my poetry to be compassionate, truthful, and uncompromised. But mostly, I would like it to be the direct expression of my heart and the truth of my life as it is. Many times I will read blog’s of other people who also read my blog, and I think to myself, “Didn’t I say that just a year ago?” Then it occurred to me that what I am thinking in my mind and what comes out are not the same thing. I tend to condense my prose, and overly writ my poetry and thus creating a product that is not pure in relation to my intentions. I find this very frustrating, and hope that my education will help me overcome this dilemma.
For me, that past three years has gone by very quickly. I can only hope that the next three will do the same and in the meanwhile, gather together that education that I have so envied in the past. I am not just hoping for a couple of degree’s, but the knowledge it self. I hope to procure an intellectual maturity that I feel that I lack. I tend to make friends with people who have an educated background, but have always lacked on myself. This is the one thing that I desire to reconcile.
I will continue to stay active with the Flatwoods Poetry Society and the Kentucky State Poetry Society, and continue to write this blog and the other one (The Deep Reader), and my perpetual bible study. However, I am quiet sure that my need to continually be engaged in a productive project of one kind or another will subside during the course of obtaining my education. I do plan, however, to get published again and continuing more so as the next couple of years go by, so that by educations end, I will have a list of publishing accreditations along with my degree.
I have great hope for the future. I am convinced that I survived the past seven years for a reason, and that reason is to be as effective for my creator as possible. My confidence in this is not only His immense grace, but also the completion of my education.
This winter I won’t be taking any classes that are focused on developing my poetry skills, but definitely my writing skills. So cool! The value of the decision in making changes in my life is immense. Our life circumstances are difficult, but they need to change, and I realize that living day to day, day in and day out, doing things the same, day in day out, week in, week out, month in, month out, year in, year out doesn’t bring about change. I have to admit that taking these steps to change my life is a result of, yes God’s grace, but that utilized through five years of therapy. My therapist is a cognitive therapy specialist. She very much thinks like Dr. Phil, but without trying to sell her latest book on a constant basis. In fact, she is completely generous and compassionate. Most of our therapy is just talk therapy. We chat like we are friends. But she is so highly intellectual, and I think that some people would have a hard time following along with our discussions, that I am completely inspired to take my life higher. I have come to the further conclusion that I would be dangerous with an education. By that I am meaning dangerous in the sense of being better to express myself, be more knowledgeable and effective, and have better tools and being better equipped to interact with my peers and contemporaries.
I also find that I have great difficulty expressing myself in a manner that I would like. I would like my poetry to be compassionate, truthful, and uncompromised. But mostly, I would like it to be the direct expression of my heart and the truth of my life as it is. Many times I will read blog’s of other people who also read my blog, and I think to myself, “Didn’t I say that just a year ago?” Then it occurred to me that what I am thinking in my mind and what comes out are not the same thing. I tend to condense my prose, and overly writ my poetry and thus creating a product that is not pure in relation to my intentions. I find this very frustrating, and hope that my education will help me overcome this dilemma.
For me, that past three years has gone by very quickly. I can only hope that the next three will do the same and in the meanwhile, gather together that education that I have so envied in the past. I am not just hoping for a couple of degree’s, but the knowledge it self. I hope to procure an intellectual maturity that I feel that I lack. I tend to make friends with people who have an educated background, but have always lacked on myself. This is the one thing that I desire to reconcile.
I will continue to stay active with the Flatwoods Poetry Society and the Kentucky State Poetry Society, and continue to write this blog and the other one (The Deep Reader), and my perpetual bible study. However, I am quiet sure that my need to continually be engaged in a productive project of one kind or another will subside during the course of obtaining my education. I do plan, however, to get published again and continuing more so as the next couple of years go by, so that by educations end, I will have a list of publishing accreditations along with my degree.
I have great hope for the future. I am convinced that I survived the past seven years for a reason, and that reason is to be as effective for my creator as possible. My confidence in this is not only His immense grace, but also the completion of my education.
posted by P. Allan Frederick | 12:08 PM
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