Unusual Post for this Blog, but it is Honest!
As we speak, well, really as of yesterday, the Official start of Comic Con International 2007 started; which means that the film school started also. But we must confess and be honest about some things. First of which, I would have loved to have gone to the four day film school. BUT that wasn’t my whole motivation. In truth, I was selfish and wanted to go to the con because the con is just exceptionally cool. I really love to be at the comic con. My sin—I asked God to open up avenues in which I could go to the con. Being one to work and let God bring the victory, I sent out a massive email to all of our old friends and family announcing the publishing victory of my Book, in hopes that I could sell enough to make the trip. Not just for me, but for my whole family. I did the calculations. Now, I’m not completely corrupt. I really did want my family to have a vacation, and I really did want to go to that four day film school, but with out a doubt, my motives had a reasonable percentage of selfishness. It says in the Book of James that we ask and don’t get because we want to be selfish with what we pray for. I have tremendous faith that if I pray and ask, do the work, then God will bring the victory. This formula is one that I derived from the scripture. However, one must take all the scripture in consideration. God was faithful to me and my prayers according to his word. He glorified himself in my presence and I am in awe! Would I have liked to go to Comic Con? Oh yes, and wanted it badly, but I went to it the wrong way. I wasn’t honest with myself and with God. My heart was revealed, and God faithfully (according to His word) answered my prayer, thus my love for God! You see, if I didn’t know the word, I wouldn’t be resolved. I would be angry and blame God for not making it happen. But we live the fruit of our labor. There were promises of books being bought, and so forth, that never came through, and I see how God has worked on my heart through that. I am undeniably selfish, and for some reason, keep falling into this trap of thinking that I am the center of the Universe (egocentric). The brothers and sisters who told of buying my book has life issues also, and I forget this. I work hard at not being so egocentric, and it is tough. For instance, this whole post so far is all about me…huh…
Say anyway, if you get Satellite 191 (G4) then you can watch live coverage of the con. Otherwise, go to the site www.comic-con.org and keep track of what is going on. It is intense as to how much stuff is going on there. The programming, panels, and special events are all consuming, but there is also an art show followed by a Sunday auction, and the floor. So many con exclusive action figures, comics, posters, toys, DVDs, and countless other freebies and cheap stuff give away with buttons, magnets, mini-mags, sample comics, game collectors cards, catalogs, and anything else that can be given away to try to sell their product. I said earlier in a previous post that you can literally get 10 to 20 lbs. of this stuff. That is four or five grocery bags full of free stuff. It is fantastic. And, then, if you bring a couple of hundred dollars spending money, you can get, again, countless self published graphic novels and first run self published comics. That is the real selling point for me. I love it that these guys and gals (that’s right, women too. There are few things cooler than a woman who is into comics. THE thing is Christian women of course are much cooler, but comic book chic’s are way cool too) are out there getting it done; writing, drawing, copying and coloring their own mags and selling them at the cons. They are gettin’ ‘er done, through pure passion! Fantastic! Okay, then, Marvel, DC, Image, Dark Horse, and all the rest have these huge set ups that can be seen way across the massive convention floor. I mean these display’s are so very cool, it just gives you a sense of awe. I mean, I’ve been to Vegas, and this way is cooler, subjectively speaking of course. I think comics and movies are way cooler. Oh yes, the independent film competition is also there. There is also Artist Alley, comic stores come and bring massive amounts of back issues, and if you need a certain issue of your collection, then are are for sure to find it there. These venders that set up also have all the rare cool toys they sold as we were kids, still in packaging and so forth. Awesome! I’d like to get an original Shogun Warrior from the late Seventies, and I usually end up browsing for one every time I’m at a con.
Well, so I didn’t make it; sadden somewhat, but spiritually refreshed ( I know that sounds weird, but it is true). If my friends that said they would buy 20 copies of my book, through me instead of through the internet (better deal for all of us, and totally legal and ethical. Plus, I can sign each one of them and thus making them more personally. But I don’t have to sign them, only upon request), then I can make the Columbus Writers conference coming in August, which by the way has classes in poetry, and script writing for screen and television, and the classes don’t run against each other, and I could go to them all that I want to go to. It would be awesome. Honestly, I don’t know how Hollywood would take one of my scripts, but I think that I need to be tried. We gotta get some righteousness in what is being put out in television, and I got some real beautiful concepts and ideas. Plus, I have so much to say through my poetry. I want to hone my skills and be incredibly effective. What is weird—I have searched my heart and realize that , even facing total rejection, total popularity, or even right in between, I still want to do this for God, Literally. I spend much prayer time wrestling with my selfish motives, but when it comes down to it, I just want to please God and make Him proud of me. He has done more for me than anyone couldn’t possibly compete with. Most of all, my creation and conversion, but also saving my life and giving me a second chance in this life; a second chance that many people just don’t get. I get a recharge, and reboot as it were, and I am not going to waist anymore time seeking out my “self” of wants and materialism, and I say this completely unapologetically. I would like to now show several poems The first one is what I just got done talking about. The second one is a prayer. I usually don’t share my most intimate prayers to God with anybody. Pray in private (in a closet as it were) and not on the street corners so as to get accolades. I share this prayer from inspiration for what I sense is the Holy Spirit. I share this prayer because I have great faith that the style in which I pray pleases God. Also, I make no apologies for my prayer. It may make you feel a little uncomfortable, but I ask that you keep to it. Here is my first poem:
Up the Hill
I’ve been to the
Hill, but not up
the Tree. I’ve
been to the
Mountain, and
there set free.
And now my prayer poem…
All Myself?
(A Prayer)
By command I say:
Father, hallowed
is your name, Your
Kingdom come, Your
will be done, on earth
as it is in heaven. Give us each day, our daily bread and forgive us
our sins, for we ourselves
forgive everyone who
is indebted to us,
and lead us not into
temptation. Thank you Father for your willingness to know me, me of all
people, not special in
anyway, at least not
anything that somebody
else isn’t doing.
You are so very perfect!
I am so very imperfect.
You are so very pure!
I am impure…
You are so incredibly Beautiful!
I am homely…
You are so extremely powerful!
I am weak…
You are so righteous!
I am unrighteous…
You are immeasurable!
I’m 6 foot 3 inches at 275lbs
k
You are eternal!
I have fifty, maybe sixty good years, then, hopefully a long stay with you…
You are the Creator!
..and gratefully made
me in your image!
You rule and lead!
I love to follow you!
I love you my God, my Creator, My Father, my
Master, my friend, my
hope, my joy, my inspiration.
I thank you, thank you for My family, my friends, my ability to learn, my
car/house/hot & cold running water/ electricity/food/Peace in this country, thank you for Church, thank you for love/ beauty/ romance, thank you for Art and music, and dance, and poetry, and really well written essay’s and novels.
Thank you for Sci-Fi movies, and the popcorn and sodas that go with them.
Thank you for my future, my past,
and today. Thank you for my child, and wife, and dog! Not necessarily in that order!
Mostly, thank you for you. I love you k Father. I love you with all my heart. I love you with every
fiber within my being. I love you first, and last. I love more
than anybody, or thing, or spirit,
or myself. To serve you is an honor, to obey you is privilege.
To call myself Christian is my
greatest dream come true. I give you my heart today, I give
you my will today, I give you my life today. I will walk and live according to your will and according to your slightest whim.
Please, bless the lives of all that I know. Please, enrich the
lives of all that I have ever met, and the people that they know.
Please answer the prayers of all those who pray for the sick, and for children, and for peace, and for hope, faith, and love.
Please let the world know that I am yours. Please let the world know that I walk with
you. Please let the world know
that you are real, and beautiful, and giving, kind, and merciful,
through my testimony and example.
I pledge my life to your cause and
to your leadership. I pledge my heart to be merciful as you
command. I pledge my will to represent you the best way
possible.
I rely on your mercies, your kindness, your graciousness, your gentleness, and I have great fear and respect
for your power, your justice, your wrath, your indignities, and your righteous Judgment, based on
your word, and your love through Christ.
Thank you for the blood of Christ, and
the body of Christ, and the suffering
of Christ. Someday, I hope that you honor me with more opportunities
to unite with Christ, as I have these
past several years in suffering. Also,
thank you for your healing, and giving
me a second chance to recreate my life and move forward from
my NDE (Near Death Experience), and the ability and mental/emotional/
spiritual/physical strength to reinvent myself as a person, as a father, as a husband, as a brother to fellow Christians and a brother to my brothers
, and as a son
i
Please my Father, I can only hope that someday I can
follow in my Master’s
foot steps and suffer the way he did at death. I know that
He died for me, so that I will not have to, but the privilege
would be my greatest honor. I love Christ and will do anything
for him. Please do not ask me to
sacrifice any other person in my life as I am scared of persecution in the form of their lives.
I obey and will consider it honor
when people will say all kinds of bad things against me for my
dedication to you. I obey and will strive to serve you even if my life is at stake.
I am grateful that I have Jesus’ example to resist sin even to the point of death. I only hope that I can make you proud.
I only hope that I please you with my life. I only hope that
you will welcome me with open arms on that great, and terrible day.
It is hope that on that day, as the world begins to crumble and collapse, and the flood of fire comes down, and when the angles are gathering up your people, and those that have slept for untold years of which to you belong, will rise and come to you in the air, and us to follow, then in honor kneel before you as all mankind will either by will or force, and to faithfully know that my name is in the book of life and that the ultimate reward of spending forever with you is fulfilled, I will rejoice in you, I will love in you, I will exist in you, I will be perfect in you, I will be righteous in you , I will be pure in you, I will be beautiful in you, and I will be Powerful, in you. I will walk in the new earth in you and love those around me in you and be incorruptible in you and sing to you, worship you, love you, praise you, bow down before you and kiss your feet and hug your ankles and cry the inexpressible bliss that can only come out through tears and weeping.
In faith I know that you will see me, in faith I know that you will welcome me. In faith I know that you will pull me up to you and hug me as the prodigal son. In faith I know that you will place me with all those that didn’t give in to the world and its temptations. In faith I know that you will allow me to dwell with those who have also given their soul to you in Yashua Christos. I know in faith that in all your power and glory, and greatness and magnificence you will make room for me and my family who love you with all our being!
In faith I run to you in open arms of love and passion. By faith I run to you away from what this world has to offer. By faith I will know that I am truly home and where I belong. By faith I will no longer be a foreigner in a foreign land. By faith I will stare and glare at your greatness until I am blind with your divinity. By faith I will bathe in the company of those that have sacrificed like I have and will make a place of great endless joy.
In hope all these things will come to us who have turned away from the evil one and run to you. In hope these things will come to those who detest this world and what it has to offer you.
My Father I have one question to ask, simply: Why me? What is in man, especially this man that you would acknowledge him.
“When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Yet you have made him a little lower than the heavenly being and crowned him with glory and honor. You have given him dominion over the works of your hands; you have put all things under his feet…”
Such love and compassion from someone so great is beyond my understanding. It is beyond my ability to grasp and apply to mind.
“O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high, I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child in my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore.”
Only that I would have what David expresses to you in this psalm, my master, if only. It truth I have set my sights to fathom the heavens and the earth as to your dwelling and our future. In honesty it is that I confess my preponderance to the stars and scriptural “heaven” against what I can see and what I cannot see. It truth I confess that I seek understanding of galactic proportions, with a willingness to understand it all. This my Father bring in to me fear that this may be my downfall for it was understanding that brought the downfall of Eve, and thus myself in Adam: thus I beg that you hedge me in from seeking knowledge as my idol and my god as to not seeking you and your heart and Spirit. It is that I want to know what and who you are
in this physical world and if your heaven is our heaven and if your shoal is our shoal?
My never ending desire to seek you out and come to understanding beyond my ability is my fear that I may THINK myself out of your grace and follow the deceit of the evil one; for I know that he desperately hates me and wants to trick me into my own demise and thus taking from you the victory over this world though your Son whom I love beyond words.
So, my prayer is that you please lead me my Father in my desire to understand you and rely on your word and creation to know you: “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely , his eternal power and divine nature , have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.”
Forever do I want you, forever do I need you, forever do I love you, forever do I wish to please you, forever do I desire you, forever do I serve you, and forever do I rely on you, for the hope of salvation.
It is in true love, and my response to your gift through Christ in
which I pray, and it
is in Yashua Christos’ name that I come before you, and pray, and exist, and serve and
live my life.
Amen. P
So, that is my two poems that I wanted to share with you. With that prayer, I could have gone on, but I figured that at some point I needed to stop…
posted by P. Allan Frederick | 10:43 AM
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